(Photograph by Shantam Sahai)

I am trapped in the trap of expressionlessness. This is one of those rare moments where I cannot make out, exactly which emotion am I feeling. Emptiness surrounds me, and the ambiance is filled with an awkward confusion. And for an icing on the cake, silence accompanies all this to give a hand in killing my passionate self.

Thanks to the person who means the world to me. And I mean the world to her.

Or may I correct myself? I ‘meant’ the world to her.

I suffer the dilemma of an incomplete story which halted abruptly. It has sent anxious impulses to the roots of my heart. While I hold the phone in my hand listening to last of the verses, I cannot stop crying. Somewhere I honor this tragedy of my stage, for it nourished the character which was dying. But the fact remains,

 I have human sanity.

The weight I carry is heavier than my capacity of tolerance. Maybe that’s why my good wishers suggest that it will help me towards being better, and make me win the battle with my conscious desires. Maybe I will be successful in differentiating between my needs and wants, due to the new life I am going to lead (without my companion).

Maybe I will look beyond. And reach where I am destined to be.

– Shantam Sahai

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