Forever in Fractions

I have been in a dilemma after I decided to write about you. The reason for writing this are requests from readers, the reason for not writing this was a shortage of words to express what you are to me. Infinity has no exactness and oneness cannot explain us. Instead of whole numbers or integers, irrationality can explain us. Hence, I took help of fractions to explain our roller coaster rides. We started abrupt, we halted abrupt and it’s abrupt that there seems no end to this. We kissed each other’s lips spelling a forever which turned out to be a fraction signifying both oneness and infinity.

We have memories we never wish to forget and relive them in the sphere of possible reality. Memories, running in our veins and adding the color of red to our blood. The reason behind our unexplainable smiles and a friend, at the time of loneliness. These memories are probably the largest part of a ground on which we both stand, and this ground is probably the reason for us to hold hands, because we never want it to break. However, there are cracks between your feet and mine. These cracks belong to the time when we danced naked in pursuit of each other. Then, we have memories we never wish to remember and erase them from our conscience. Memories, running in our nerves and adding to our breakdowns. The reason behind our unexplainable tears and a judgement, at the time of misunderstanding. These memories are probably the part of the wall which separates us, and this wall is probably the reason for us to leave hands, because we never want it to break. However, there are cracks on your side and mine. These cracks belong to the time when we broke our hands to hold the other.

Memories are the substantial source of our attachment. However, togetherness is the child of understanding. Though we both have always charged each other of misunderstanding (that is somehow true) but leaving our human ego, our souls understand each other. This understanding and a cosmic or rather unknown connection is the only part where our relationship is subtle. Otherwise, we were on a roller coaster ride. I have been the one who couldn’t hear anything against you; I have been the one who spoke against you. I have been the one who cried even when you were slightly hurt; I have been the one who hurt you. You are the one who couldn’t see me cry; you are the one who made me cry. You are the one who used to call my mother, your mother; you are the one who didn’t care when she was unwell. You are the one who always wished happiness; I was the one who couldn’t let go of pain. I was the one who protected you; you are the one who abused me. Ironically, all of it happened in the heat of time or unintentionally. Even more ironically, even though we couldn’t let go of these things, we couldn’t let go of each other too.

They’d tag us as girlfriend/boyfriend, calling us the ‘perfect couple’. We however know that we are perfectly imperfect and that’s what makes us perfect. We are much more than a boyfriend or a girlfriend to each other. We are possibly that place where a person turns out to be in the end, after taking refuge at numerous places they’d end up there. We are home to each other.

– Shantam Sahai

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