This is not a love poem

There’s a piece of letter in my heart for you
And I’m deeply sorry for I could never hand it to you
When my heart was begging my mind
To make a move,
My heart was begging me to be braver than I was.

But my mind got a sleek peek to move out
Without having to decipher about those decisions
Working for his defense mechanism.

And I, held onto to those bits and pieces
Making sure the storm won’t blew it away
Like it blew away my home, while I was collecting pictures
Of what wrecked me away.

There’s a piece of letter in my heart of you
And I’m pretty glad for I could never hand it to you
Because the moment I got over from my wait of eternity
I realized you never had a sea of me in your heart,
While I was drowning in oceans for you.

So maybe I blamed my heart for acting so stupid
And my mind blamed me,
Until one day I realized, it’s okay to feel my heart,
And it’s okay to put my heart over my mind,

It’s okay to keep yourself hiding in layers of self defense,
It’s okay to not say sorry because you don’t feel for it,
It’s okay to keep it in,
It doesn’t make you stronger, but you’re never weak.
It’s okay to have a choice and it’s okay to speak a lot.

Everything I do, that doesn’t ever harm anyone in a way
They’re never going to heal, is okay to do.
And there’s a piece of letter in my heart for you;

It’s buried under a tree standing alone in a field
Of purple hued lavenders, bending in the north with flow of wind
While the sun is setting beneath them in the west,

A blanket of crimson and yellow with a tinge of red, spread
Evenly, and I, a tree that has been growing ever since
That now it seems tiring but my heart has memorized
All the sunsets and the blooming of flowers,

That the roots are still holding that piece of letter
I never gave you,
While you were growing on me,

Lavender,
I could never contain you, how much I wanted to
And you never looked at me like I’m living for you.

– Neha Goyal

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