Painless Separation

13th May 1993 

Wednesday

Dear diary,

My name is Ellie. I am five years old. Mommy and daddy and I went for fishing. I am really happy. Daddy gave me a Barbie doll. Mommy made pancakes for me. Tomorrow I will learn a new poem. Daddy promised me he will teach. I want to go to school. But mommy and daddy said that they could not send me to school. I do not understand. I enjoy learning from mommy and daddy.
I’m going to tell you a big secret now, diary. I want you to keep it safe. I saw mommy and daddy kiss today. I am really happy.

Love,
Ellie

 

15th May 1993

Friday

Dear diary,

Today I asked Miss Jessica why people kiss. She is my lovely neighbour and I like her. She said that when two people love each other they kiss. I love mommy and daddy. I will give them a kiss today. Bye, time for lunch.

Love,
Ellie

Illustration by Muskan Raina

Illustration by Muskan Raina

 

21st January 1995

Tuesday

Dear diary,

I am really scared. I just woke up hearing mom and dad shout at each other. I’ve locked myself in the bathroom. I have never seen them argue. I think I’m dreaming. I feel sleepy. Good night, diary.

Love,
Ellie

3rd September 2000

Monday

Dear Diary,

Today was just like another day. I came home from school and found nobody at home. I changed my clothes and had lunch. Mom came home at 8 and dad came a few minutes later. They don’t talk to each other anymore. They do not even kiss. I think it means they have fallen out of love. They are working very hard to send me to school. At night, mom will sleep with me in my room and dad will sleep alone. I love how mom sings me to sleep despite being so tired and exhausted.
I still remember the day when mom told me why a person should never cry. I was probably six years old then but it is something I will never forget. She told me that tears were nothing but Elixir and when a person cries, tears flow. She said that the more you cry the soon you will be devoid of Elixir. She made me fall in love with my surroundings and made me realize that no one wants to die. I’ve never seen her cry. Never. Not even when she fought with dad. I’m still not sure whether it was a dream or it happened in reality.

Love,
Ellie

12th November 2010

Sunday

Dear Diary,

I’m a married woman now. Mother came to visit me yesterday and I could figure that something was wrong. She told me that she and father had got divorced. This might sound obnoxious but I was really happy. All these years, I knew that they fell out of love. But what inspired me was the fact that they did not give up on me. Instead of running away or getting separated, they stayed. They stayed to protect something they made and loved. I don’t know what happened between them and I won’t even ask. But I’m glad they got separated. I was tired of seeing them try every day, for me. Now that I’m married, I can take care of myself. They don’t have to try so hard for me. Amidst all the darkness, I see the light. It is easy to run away, but it takes courage to stay and face the worst.

Love,
Ellie

-Shreya Sharma

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